Valentine Day Advice from A Pro

It is almost Valentine's Day, and many people have been asking me "as a handsome man with the body of a Vogue Magazine model, what advice would you give us plebians?" I have come out from the depths of the Earth to bestow upon you all the wise words of advice that I have given to many generations of the past to succeed at this beautiful time of year. I have 10 important key components of advice to make you GET THE GIRL / BOY!

  1. Drive a big pickup truck or a BMW to pick up your date, and DO NOT obey the rules of the road. Your partner will appreciate the fact you put your life in danger for them in order to get where you need to be those couple seconds faster.

  2. MEN wear as much Axe body spray deodorant as possible, and DO NOT shower you will regret it. Women love the smell of sweat from a hard workout mixed in with Axe, it smells of talent and determination.

  3. Argue with the waitress at whatever restaurant you may so choose about serving your date poorly, your partner will appreciate the fact you are PUTTING IN THE TIME to take care of them.

  4. MEN DO NOT shave for AT LEAST 3 DAYS before attending your date. Women love the sight of men who have not groomed for at least a few days. It whistles of the inner dawg within you.

  5. EXHIBIT CONFIDENCE in order to win your date over you must demonstrate dominance and start POUNDING ON YOUR CHEST at least a couple times before they leave.

  6. Try to initiate physical contact at least a couple times on the date. If they push you away the first time, go back in the second time MAYBE YOU CAN CHANGE THEIR MIND!

  7. AS SOON AS YOU SIT DOWN YOU NEED TO START MOGGING AND DOING THE LIGHTSKIN FACE IF YOU DON'T, THEY WILL LEAVE YOU!

  8. Ask them how many dates they have been on and ask them to RANK YOU! If they get nervous LEAVE!

  9. Start talking about the HOTTEST ANIME GIRL and why YOUR DATE is NOT AS GOOD! It'll push your date to strive to work on themselves to make them better husbands / wives!

  10. TAKE THE DATE VERY SERIOUSLY, AND ACT PROFESSIONAL THIS IS NOT FOR FUN IT IS SERIOUS BUSINESS!!!!!!