Doing a PhD here has been extremely isolating

Hey everyone, I don’t know if this’ll fix much but I figured ranting will help a little since I don’t have anyone else to talk to about it.

I’ve just started an engineering PhD and it’s been so hard for me to make a connection with anyone in my cohort or umich in general that’s not just surface level. Maybe it’s the fact that my cohort is gigantic and so is the school but I can’t seem to just find my niche.

Spending most hours in lab alone in my office doesn’t help out much. But my classes no one is social even though I try to talk to people afterwards or try to work together on assignments. Coming home late I just don’t seem to have the energy to go try a club or go to any third space. Individually I seem to be on good terms with some people, great even. I get food and chill with them sometimes. But it feels like I never get invited to any group things with my cohort/friends within them. It’s as if I have to beg or constantly ask anyone to join them on things. Then I feel awkward going since I wasn’t invited in the first place. Even thought they still say I can come it just feels bad not being included in the first place. I try to invite people to dinners or other things in town like climbing or hiking or literally anything but everyone’s always busy.

It doesn’t help that my friends in other departments seem to have really close cohorts that always hang out together, or labs that are very social.

I’ve just been feeling extremely drained and isolated from all this and idk another Friday night alone has finally gotten to me.

On the few occasions I’ve gone to cohort things it’s also mostly just drinking and parties which I have no problem with and enjoy, but when I’m there I just feel weird and don’t belong. It’s like I have nothing to talk about.

I don’t know what’s wrong with me, I try to put myself out there and nothing works.

Thanks for reading kind stranger