Partner Just Admitted to Cheating On Me 6 1/2 Years Ago

Hi Everyone,

I just found out my partner of almost 9 years cheated on me almost 7 years ago and am hoping for any advice. For context, I am 32F and he is 32M, we have been dating since 2016.

This Sunday, 3 days ago, my fiancé sat down and told me that he loves me but he needed to share with me that he had kissed *name of an old close friend & previous roommate*. It was completely out of the blue & I had to ask Qs to find out more info on what they really did. He told me they had made out multiple nights in 2018 after staying up drinking together. Mind you, I was upstairs in my boyfriend and I's bed, because all of us lived together. This was a close friend who needed a place to stay for a few months before moving to a state far away.

I then found out that he had continued sexting (including sending pics & vids) & having phone sex with her for a few weeks to a few months after she moved. Allegedly he told her they needed to stop. It has been so hard to gather timelines because both he and the girl continue to say that they were really drunk (they both were alcoholics at this time and she has since became sober).

This has absolutely broken my heart and I'm looking for any advice. I do feel he is truly remorseful and regrets what he did over the course of potentially 4-6 months in 2018 (although, again working with a horrible set of timelines...) but I don't know if I can ever look at him the same way. I was living with him the whole time & was right there. It wasn't a one time thing. He waited almost 7 years to tell me this, after he proposed in late 2024. I feel I was robbed of any decision I could have made in 2018 (2 years into our relationship) and that protecting himself for those 7 years outweighed me knowing the truth.

We have had an amazing relationship (or so I thought) and now I have almost 9 years to look back on and consider what to do with.

When asked why he told me now, he said it was because we were house shopping and going to plan our wedding at some point soon and that I deserved to know before any of that happened. He said he struggled to tell me sooner because he was so ashamed and didn't want to lose me...

He promised that was the full story & that he had never done anything outside of this, and that they haven't spoken in years. Although, they did remain friends for some years after (they chatted about life & caught up every once in a while), which I hate, but I can believe that was the extent of it.

I've asked him to stay at our mutual friend's home for 10 days while I sit with my emotions and decide if I want to and will be able to put effort into continuing our relationship. I've also told him he needed to stop drinking and become sober, as that was his main excuse for why this happened and he hadn't stopped drinking until I asked him. He agreed to all of these things.

Please let me know if anyone has any similar experiences or any thoughts that could help me right now. Thank you.