Wife told me someone else is her soulmate

Update: I can't post a link but I made an update in a new post.

My wife, Em, met her best friend, Chuck, in high school. They became close friends and Chuck came out to Em as gay. Em was supportive. A year or so later Chuck came out to his parents. They disowned him and kicked him out, and Chuck ended up living with Em and her parents for the rest of high school.

Em and I started dating after college and she told me all about Chuck and how close they were and how he was like a brother. I met Chuck and we got along and became friends. Chuck is a good guy. At the time Chuck was dating a guy, they ended up moving in together about the same time that Em and I got engaged. Em and I have been married for 5 years now.

I'm a Project Manager and took on a year-long project in another city. I have to leave at 5:30AM every morning and get home around 6:30PM. Em and I had a long talk about my job before I took on this project. We knew it would be a sacrifice for me to be working so much, but I'm getting more money than I ever thought I would. After this project we can pay off our student debt and start trying to have a baby. We both agreed the money was worth it, since it's only a year. That year will be up in late November.

In March Chuck caught his boyfriend cheating. He was devastated. Em immediately told him he could move in with us. I was fine with him moving in, but not happy that Em didn't even discuss it with me first. Chuck was pretty broken up and Em was giving him lots of love and attention. I was fine with it, because I know how much she loves Chuck and he did need her. I also did my best to support him and make him feel loved.

For a while this was fine, but as time went on Em has continued to pour all of her attention into Chuck. Sometimes I get home from work and neither of them are there, and I found out they went to a movie or out to dinner together. I don't think there is anything romantic or sexual between them, but it has been annoying that I get left out of all the plans.

The past few weeks several things have happened. The 3 of us went to a party and someone joked about Chuck being our 3rd wheel and Em said "Chuck is not the 3rd wheel." I said "what?" and she said "I've known Chuck longer than I've known you!"A week or so after that Em and Chuck went out dancing one night. I had to work the next day so I stayed home. I woke up at about 3AM and Em was not in bed. I went and found her and Chuck cuddled up on the couch asleep with the TV on.Both of those things made me uncomfortable. I also realized I had been working so much I was just sort of letting Em and Chuck plan everything, and I had not planned a date night in a while. I decided I needed to be more active and so I planned a date night for last Friday. When I first told Em she was excited, as we have not been on a date just the 2 of us in a while.

Friday I got home at 6:30 and Em and Chuck were not there. I took a shower and got ready. About 7:15 I finally called Em, as we had reservations at 8. She answered and when I asked where she was she said her and Chuck had gone shopping and were getting some dinner. I was kind of stunned and asked about our date. She laughed and said "oh I forgot! oh well!" and that was that. She didn't even invite me to join them.

So, a point I should make here: my dad was very controlling of my mom and had an anger problem where he would yell and throw things. He never threw things at us, but it was still scary as a kid. I have worked very hard to not be like him.

I've tried to never be controlling of Em or tell her what to do. I also tend to shut down when I get angry. When Em forgot our date I was mad so I didn't say anything right then, but I knew I needed to address how I was feeling. So later that evening I told her we needed to talk. I had written down some things so I could stay focused. I started by saying that I loved Chuck and he was always welcome in our home, but that I felt like our marriage was suffering and we needed to work on us. Em blew up. She thought I was attacking Chuck (I guess I didn't word things well) and she started defending him and attacking me. We have never had a big fight before, we always talk and work things out. I was stunned that she was attacking me. She said some awful things.

Then she said "Chuck is my soulmate and you just have to get used to that."

I just shut down. I didn't even know how to process that. I love Em more than anything in the world, but in that moment I realized she loves Chuck more than she loves me. I thought Em and I were soulmates, but to hear her say she considers someone else her soulmate has been devastating.

I don't remember the rest of the talk. She huffed off after a while and slept on the couch. Her and Chuck left together on Saturday and were gone most of the day. When they got back she acting like nothing had happened. On Sunday she even made a small joke and batted her eyes at me, something she does when she's flirting with me. Normally I love it, but this time it just made me sick.

I told her this was a busy week at work and I was just going to stay at a hotel near the job site (something I have done a few times before) so I haven't seen her since Sunday night. I don't know what to do. Typing all of this up has made me realize I am really burned out with all of this travel. Maybe I checked out too much and haven't given her enough attention. But how do I move forward knowing she will never love me as much as I love her?

Minor update: Seeing a bunch of comments from women who say they have more than one soulmate has given me hope. To me you only have one soulmate, but that's not a word Em or I ever really use and I just really hope she means it different than how I took it. We have been texting back and forth some this week, and we spoke on the phone last night. It wasn't anything big, she just called and said she missed me and couldn't wait until I got home (I'll be home tonight.) I told her we should talk about our fight last Friday and she agreed and said she hates that we fought and we need to work it out. She said she loves me. We will be talking tonight and I guess I'll find out where I stand.