trapped in my head

idk if this is the right place to post this tbh i dont use reddit but i just wanna speak into the void

my mind is spinning constantly and i can never stop thinking about a million things at once. im so stuck in my own bubble that i genuinely exhaust myself and im so tired of sabotaging everything because of how much i overthink. as soon as i feel uncomfortable or unwanted in a situation (even if that feeling is completely unwarranted), i detach any emotions i had directed towards it and pretend like the feelings i had never happened. i find myself spazzing out and reacting really vitriolically to situations that dont need to be handled with that level of emotion because i let that suppression build up until one thing finally tips me off. i scare people off because of my instability i cant confront my feelings at all i specifically try to conduct myself in a way that allows me to place the blame on others and being vulnerable comes so difficult. just wish i could be normal and think rationally. been trying to improve myself lately but all i want to do is fall back into what's comfortable but what i know will never get me anywhere. i want to have a life to show for but deep down i only ever had the drive to be a degen and i never cared about how bad it fucked my life up. what does one do about this? lol this is very nonsensical lol