1 year sober and i honestly feel worse

i hate to be a debbie downer but it's my honest experience.

i used to smoke at night to wind down, i know my fiancée didn't like it and i thought it was contributing to some personal issues i was having

i kicked it, and have been working on myself this entire time. but, i was also working on myself WHILE smoking. i started school up again, got on the deans list, stayed active at the gym.

ive continued this trend since quitting weed, and not much has changed besides the fact that i'm more bored, irritable and just miss the social aspect of it. hate hanging around with my buddies and denying a joint every time.

i feel like im not doing this for me. i feel like im trying to convince myself that i was so much worse off with weed, but realistically i wasn't. i think that's rooted in the undying stigma around weed.

i wasn't a burnout like i thought i was, but i know my fiancée would be upset with me if i started again.

i just honestly feel no different. i feel like a year should be more than enough for my "eyes to open" but they haven't. like i said, there's just been minor inconveniences from quitting weed vs these major changes that i was expecting with my mind.

idk i don't even expect anyone to reply but thank you for reading