Between a rock and hard place

My wife and I (27) have been married for 5 years. We had our daughter 1.5 years ago. Before the baby we got along great, we did typical early 20s activities and we both were ready to start a family.

Her mother (62) had a part time job in a school cafeteria and quit to be our babysitter. My father (53) does not work as well and we discussed him being a babysitter once she got out of the potato stage of newborn.

Once we had the baby and her 3 month maternity leave ended (February).... she went back to work as a school teacher. Her work is 12 minutes away and her parents house is 5 min away from her school. Perfect situation i believe. When she went back that's when things started to change. She started staying at her parents house during the week. She would say it's easier on her, her mom was a great help, she could sleep in aswell as the baby. Basically left me home alone. It started out as a night here and there and turned into 3-4 days a week fast. I tried to be understanding at 1st since as a new mom things changed over night.

She has post partum anxiety. She doesnt trust anyone with the baby. Shes become a major germaphobe. She won't let my parents babysit any. When we go around them they hold her and she tries to get the baby to reach for her so she takes her back. Im not allowed alone with our daughter. Can't take her anywhere by myself. Everything is on her terms. My parents have not had any 1 on 1 time without us around but once and that's because her parents faked being sick to stop her from going on a Bachelorette trip and my she called my mom. The baby can not go in public because of germs. I had to fight her for the farmers market when she was 1 year old. It's a fight just to go out to eat in public. When the baby started crawling her excuse was she didn't want the baby crawling around our house because it's dirty because of the dog hair. But her moms 50 year old carpet is "clean"

Her not coming home went on and on and when summer break came close I told her I would like her at the house 5 days a week and she could stay over there 2 days a week to be understanding and compromise. She agreed but never followed through on that promise. While not working she still wouldn't come home but a couple times a week and it would be 630-7:00 by the time she arrived. The baby would go to bed around 830-9:00 so id get 1.5 hours max with my daughter each time she decided to come home. She wouldn't even come home and Fridays. Shed come strolling in at 1:00 pm on saturdays and would go to her grandpa's every Sunday for lunch. She'd leave at 8:00 and not come back home until 4:00.

I used to go to her grandpa's some for lunch but her dad isn't the niced to me and I never really felt welcome. I'd have to drive myself and she'd go to parents house for a few hours after. A good week was 10 hours with my daughter. I missed her 1st crawl, 1st word, 1st steps. All that was with her parents.

Throughout all this we had out fights about it because I expressed how depressed I was, how hurt and miserable it is to not be with my baby. 3 times during arguments she told me out of anger she wanted divorce but always took it back. I suggested consuling but she would never go. "I don't need some one judging me, I'm not going to listen" she would say.

Fastforward to 3 months ago she told me for the 3rd time she wanted a divorce and then said she couldnt do it. The next week, she tried to tell me i was skeezing with my text and making a case for court and she would be home later to "talk with me". I ultimately left and went to my parents house that day to avoid conflict.

She was upset and seen how bad she wanted this and apologized. We tried to make it work. We have been going to consuling (which shes extremely negative about) we spent Christmas apart and allowed me to have our daughter alone for Christmas eve which I felt like was a big step for her. Even though it was only 4 hours it was the happiest ive been. My grandma hadn't held the baby since she was born at this point.

We tried to move back in after Christmas and she argued with me over everything the 1st day back... 1 thing led to another and she told me to tell her if I'm in or out. It was hard and told her I'm out. She flipped a script and told me I was the most wonderful thing she's had, she sees what she's done. She will change and get her own help. Whatever it takes.

We've been off and on living together since then. It's been 2 weeks straight now. Shes been sick and our child is at her parents house. Im not allowed to go over there and get her because "her dad doesnt like me at all now". I haven't seen my daughter but mere hours in 2 weeks. Shes better now but has a cough. She doesnt want to sleep with the baby and cough on her. I suggested letting me sleep with her but she says I'm too hard of a sleeper. I have 3 rails and a backboard around the bed. I dont see what the deal is.

Shes so controlling over the baby, there is so much more I haven't even said with all this. I dont know what to do. We used to be in love but it feels like I'm 2nd fiddle and she doesnt care if I have a relationship with my daughter. My feeling dont matter and she's in control of our daughter no matter what I say or want.

I don't want a divorce. I would have never brought this baby into this world if I knew this was going to happen but if I want an actual life and relationship with my daughter along with my parents idk what to do.

I want to be able to take my daughter fishing, hunting, races.. Just have a life with her. I just dont know what to do. I have tried and feel like ive put up with more stuff than most men would have. I dont want a busted family but she's so far up her parents butts and they play her like a puppet and she doesn't see it. She's went and talked major crap about me to them, my parents are getting to the point of dont caring for her because she treats me like a doormat.

Never would have guessed I would be not married and splitting a home up with a child. I just dont know how this is ever going to get fixed. The only things she's changed is allowing our daughter to walk around our house. She fits a narcissistic gaslighter. I read those people can't change but she tells me all this stuff but I never see it put into action

How long do i stick around to see change? She says it'll change when the baby is older but everyone on my side of the family including myself is missing precious time including me.