Yet another post about me freaking out really bad over Zocd

I've spent a whole day 'analyzing' myself and my thoughts and torturing myself by going through zoophile questions on quoara to see if im disgusted by it or not.

I'm definitly disgusted, but of course i'm like 'this is just denial'. My main fear is that i'm attracted to dogs, and i don't even like dogs anyways, so i don't know why that's what i'm worried about.

I know i'd never do anything like that to an animal, but i'm scared that deep down i have that urge. I'm really scared about it. I'd rather have my worries about being a Nazi or not be true then be a zoophile. I know that that's bad, but it doesn't scare me nearly as much as this does.

I researched why people are zoophiles and some of it has to do with when your a kid. I wasn't abused or anything, but before i knew what masturbation was i'd pretend i was a dog while doing 'it'. And now i'm really scared that that made me a zoophile.

I can't get therapy, it's just not an option at all. But at the same time i need to know i'm a zoophile or not. It's really confusing and scaring me so much to the point i can't sleep, and obviously i can't talk about it to anyone irl.

I don't know what to do but going through zoohpiles comments on bestality is definitly not helping and is just making me upset more. I don't even know what i'm trying to do by doing that. I'm freaking out, sorry.