feeling embarrassed that i write si y/n fanfics after turning 30

TLDR: embarrassed that i’m a single adult who still reads and write fics, watches anime and read manhwa and manga.

i’ve been writing fanfiction (both otps and y/n stories) since high school and i’ve never once been embarrassed about it. in fact, all of my close friends know that i write fanfics and i have shared some of my works with them. thankfully, they are very supportive and have never judged me about it.

but after turning 30, i started feeling a little bit embarrassed that i’m writing self insert y/n fanfics.

i write si fics for several reasons. the main reason is that i was it as a form of coping mechanism. let’s say i’m stressed because of work, i’ll write about my favorite character helping me relax. i went to a cute theme park? well, then let me write something just as cute with my favorite character. had a fight or nightmare? my favorite character is there to comfort me.

and i have never been embarrassed about this at all. i write for myself, to myself and by myself and share it with others in case they are dealing with something similar. but i just turned 30 and i’m someone who willingly chose to remain single (personal reasons, won’t go into them) and i keep thinking, should i continue with fics? you’re an adult now still daydreaming about being in a relationship with your favorite character? and you’re playing an otome game no less! have some shame!

but turning 30 doesn’t mean my hobbies abruptly die. i still love watching anime, i still have fun reading manhwa and manga and i still actively read and write fics. there’s nothing or embarrassing about my hobbies but i still feel that way. my friends who watch anime don’t hide their embarrassment and neither should i but my brain tells your friends are married and have children so it’s okay for them to like anime but you’re a single adult and you act like a child

so yeah, those were my thoughts the past few weeks and i hate them.