I Poor mental health that never seems to get batter.

I hate myself. I hate myself more than anything, anyone in the world.

I can’t figure out why.

I grasp to any sources of dopamine like meth addict and I talk to anyone I could get ahold of because if I let my mind think. If I let my thoughts wander, all I can think about is how awful I am how I’m never good enough. How am I supposed to function like this.

I always assume I’m in the wrong or I’m a bad person and I can’t seem to get the idea out of my head no matter how many people call me nice or caring. I feel like a monster, like a liar, like all the things I do for others I do simply to serve my own desires.

I have a job I have hobbies I have people I can rely on. But I don’t actually tell them anything because then I’m just trauma dumping. I feel pathetic and useless and I don’t know what to do anymore.

I feel like I’m constantly falling apart and no matter how well I’m doing in my day to day when I’m left all alone I feel like I’m nothing but a monster.

I’ve tried therapy and three therapists later I haven’t gotten anywhere.

I simply have no clue where to go from here.