I wanna change everything about myself

I don’t know where to start, I was bullied a lot in school, it made making friends difficult but I don’t like to talk about it much because I feel like I’m victimising myself like it’s been years get over it! But it’s really shaped who I am at the moment my friends are my boyfriend and his friends and I get along with them well and they like me and they have girlfriends who are really nice and I really wanna get close with them to have some friends that are girls. To be honest I had 2 friends that were girls but I fell out with them, I don’t believe I’m a bad person we all made mistakes but I’m not sorry to lose them and they’re not sorry to lose me and that’s just the way things are and that’s ok.

One of my boyfriends friend has this friend N, she’s really confident and pretty and everything I’d want to be tbh. I wouldn’t say I’m jealous I’d say she’s an inspiration to help me better myself. She’s really outgoing too. I’d love to be close friends with her but she already has so many friends that I don’t think I’d ever be a close friend and I’m trying to figure out how to without being a try hard.

I used to be a normal weight, not skinny or over weight, just a normal weight and I was happy with it but I’ve gotten into a bad habit of eating my problems and it feels like no matter what I do I will never lose the weight, I am 20kg over and I find that I go to the gym a few days and then lose the routine I just find it so difficult. I always crave sugary food too. My hair is thin and short it never grows. I just want to feel pretty. I sucked my thumb a lot growing up and now I need braces which I plan to save up for. I’m not happy with the way I dress I feel boring so I’m hoping to redo mg wardrobe and buy clothes I’m happy with. I just feel ugly and lonely. I just want this to be over it feels like my whole life has been like this this and I just want a change . I want a nice friend group or even one good close friend that’s a girl and to feel confident and happy

Edit: I do have a few friends that are girls but none of them feel as close as I’d wanna be but I’m gonna try and make an effort to see them over summer